It has been just over a year now, since my dad died... A friend asked me if the grief had lessened. I told her that the pain never really goes away. It still feels raw.//
i read these lines in one of the blogs. the word '''RAW''' caught me totally...and '''THE PAIN NEVER REALLY GOES AWAY'''.
my well wishers feel concerned about me for not coming out of the gloom.
these words made me write this. yes. the feeling is '' raw'' .the scene that keeps on replaying in my mind is that of running to Manipal Hospital ,seeing karthik lying actionless, shouting for a minute and settling in some silence with rapid prayer to all gods that i have heard of and believed.praying frantically,'' this is not true..please , please, karthik ,''RISE,,GET UP, COME,, TOUCH MY SHOULDERS, and say 'MOM, I AM HERE''
AND i kept on repeating this prayer and with a final shout ''DON'T LEAVE ME KARTHIK''
Then silence..silence..silently now it is '''TAKE ME WITH YOU KARTHIK''..a non-stop prayer.where ever i am, what ever i may be doing, unconsciously my mind has developed the habit of repeating this prayer to karthik.
the same scenes, running underneath. professor may go wild reading this, but , it is what it is.
3 Comments:
yes.the accident still remains a mystery.even i want to know what happened exactly.i tried heavily to contact the person who admitted karthik in the hospital.but till today i am not able to.if anyone could spot him out ,i would like to know what happened in the last minutes.did he say anything?did he want to see his mother?did he feel any pain?did he know that he is leaving his dear mother?
as u said even i don't believe in rebiirth or athma.but as you long , i too want to have a glimpse of him . atleast for a second to see him calling me AMMA once, only once.
the pangs are nothing but scorpion stings.can he ever leave me?ONE YEAR.still i am living.horrid .