//I admire the way she is dealing with her deep grief and helplessness. At the same time, when she is out of sight, I feel so sad that I sometimes break down.

It has been just over a year now, since my dad died... A friend asked me if the grief had lessened. I told her that the pain never really goes away. It still feels raw.//

i read these lines in one of the blogs. the word '''RAW''' caught me totally...and '''THE PAIN NEVER REALLY GOES AWAY'''.

my well wishers feel concerned about me for not coming out of the gloom.

these words made me write this. yes. the feeling is '' raw'' .the scene that keeps on replaying in my mind is that of running to Manipal Hospital ,seeing karthik lying actionless, shouting for a minute and settling in some silence with rapid prayer to all gods that i have heard of and believed.praying frantically,'' this is not true..please , please, karthik ,''RISE,,GET UP, COME,, TOUCH MY SHOULDERS, and say 'MOM, I AM HERE''

AND i kept on repeating this prayer and with a final shout ''DON'T LEAVE ME KARTHIK''

Then silence..silence..silently now it is '''TAKE ME WITH YOU KARTHIK''..a non-stop prayer.where ever i am, what ever i may be doing, unconsciously my mind has developed the habit of repeating this prayer to karthik.

the same scenes, running underneath. professor may go wild reading this, but , it is what it is.